Resilience
by haddyboy
Summary: Each chapter deals with a different time in Luke's life. It is a chance to find out his thoughts about the many women that have influenced him.
1. I Remember Mama

**Resilience**

**Disclaimer: **The names, situations, and people affiliated with Gilmore Girls belong to Amy Sherman Palladino. I only wish that I could take created for Luke Danes.

**Summary: **Each chapter deals with a different time in Luke's life. It is a chance to find out his thoughts about the many women that have influenced him.

**A/N : **Thanks to catterwall and Anotherjunkie for all their help.

**Chapter 1 : I Remember Mama**

The dawn is just breaking on this sleepy little Connecticut town. Most of her residents are still tucked away in their beds, hours away from their first dance of denial with the snooze button.

One person could be seen ready to face the day. Ready to face it might be the wrong way to put it since in truth the last thing he wanted to do was deal with people today. Luke Danes is his name, and at this moment he is standing on the sidewalk, staring up at the Williams Hardware sign that is on the building right before him. He takes one final look at it before swallowing hard and starts walking down the deserted Main Street of his town.

This wasn't some daily exercise regimen he was undertaking or an impulsive desire to see the sights of the area. Frankly, if he were asked later, Luke would be hard pressed to name the color of any of the buildings during his trek. No, the importance of his trip was strictly in the destination.

It is an unusually warm and sunny day for November, and Luke feels that the weather is a deserter to his feelings. The picture he sees before him doesn't correspond with his inner pain at all. It's only fair when you are feeling sad and it is taking everything within you to keep from breaking down that the sky embodies these emotions, and throws buckets of water down on the earth. Maybe it's that old 'misery loves company' idea that if it's miserable out then everyone would feel the same way you do. The problem today is that the only water was coming from the big old fat raspberry Mother Nature was giving him.

He can't even draw comfort from wrapping his arms around himself in a comforting hug since the day is unseasonably warm, and his jacket isn't even zipped up. Today offers no such luck with the sun out in full force, and if he pause for a moment Luke can even hear birds chirping. He has no desire to pause and actually tries to increase the impact of his feet on the gravel path in an attempt to drown them out. Or is he really just trying to drown out the thoughts in his head?

He finally arrives at his destination, but instead of a look of accomplishment on his face, all that can be seen is a look of trepidation. In many ways he still feels like the scared little boy he was when he first ever entered this place. This is no surprise considering he's standing in the Stars Hollow Graveyard in front of two grave sites both with headstones that read 'Danes' in big chiseled-out letters.

"My head, my feet, and every other part of me told me that this is where I should be today, but now that I am here I am not sure what I am supposed to do. I know some people talk, but I am not sure what to say."

"Plus, usually when you talk out loud, it is with the desire of someone responding. And no offense, but I am not really ready for that to happen. I think if one of you spoke I would make like Scooby and bolt for the nearest exit."

One could almost see the light bulb flash over his head. "I forgot to bring flowers," he says while hitting his forehead with palm of his hand. 'Everyone knows that the proper thing to do is to bring flowers,' he thinks, 'unless you are Jewish, and then there is that whole thing with rocks. Since I'm not Jewish I am forgiven for not bring a rock, but the same can't be said about forgetting to bring flowers. Since I failed with etiquette maybe I should just start with some small talk.'

"Mom? Dad? I turned the store into a diner. Mom, I know you might have a hard time picturing this considering the first time I ever made breakfast was for you on Mother's Day, and I burned the toast. Trust me, I have improved. It has been open for around 6 months now, and it seems to be doing okay."

Luke pauses knowing that there are deeper issues that he really needs to talk about with them. "There is so much I want to say to you both, but it's hard when you are saying it to topsoil. Mom, do you know that I can't watch the Mary Tyler Moore Show? I know most people would consider that a no-brainier considering it's a chick show and sadly lacking in any car chases or gun battles that a hunter-gather type like myself would want in his Must See TV. The actual fact is that I have always liked the show, or to make this clearer, I always liked watching it with you. It was your favorite show, and the Danes mother-and-son duo made it a weekly tradition to watch it together. It was a funny show, but the real attraction was having this window of time where I had you all to myself. Dad always worked on Saturday night, and Liz was too young to stay up that late. Plus her interest fell more with green monsters in garbage cans." 'Our ritual consisted of pjs, popcorn and Ted Baxter,' he continues in his head. 'It's stupid, but the heartache is too great. Today, even seeing the meowing kitten makes me feel ill inside. It's strange how something that at one time had given me such happiness and joy can just like that become a symbol of pain.'

"In the last year I have spent many hours going through box after box of Dad's stuff that was at the house. It was like going down memory lane." This wasn't something he did often. As a matter of fact, it was usually something that Luke tried not to think about, but today is different. He needs this release. These memories have been packed away in the back of his mind like they were in imaginary boxes, and today he's going to bring them out, rip back the tape and revisit their contents.

"I no longer live at the house. I made Dad's old office into an apartment; it suits my purposes. The house is meant for a family, and my family has all left me." After saying this Luke realizes that he isn't being completely honest with himself. 'Let's face it, the house stopped feeling like home a long time ago. In fact, it stopped being home when it no longer smelled like Mom. At least living in the office I still feel close to Dad. With all his stuff around I can almost pretend he's still here, but most of the things that reminded me of Mom has long been gotten rid of or given away.'

"Going through Dad's things, I came across one of Mom's Dusty Springfield albums in with Dad's Johnny Cash ones. It reminded of the day that Mom got it in her head to teach me to dance." 'Mom, you were always coming up with these ideas,' he reminisces, shaking his head and smiling at this thought. "I can picture the scene like it was yesterday. We were standing in the living room. You had many of your old albums strewn on the floor, and Andy Williams singing Moon River was coming through the speakers. To say I was less than thrilled to be part of this was an understatement. I think that you were trying to show me the box step, and all I could think about is that I would rather be outside playing baseball."

"Luke, you might not realize it now but this is going to be a valuable skill to have."

"Mom, it isn't a skill. It is just something stupid that girls like to do."

"That is the point, Luke. Girls as a rule love to dance, and one day you are going to want to try and impress one."

"Yuck! Mom!" He replied with a great deal of disgust.

"I know that seems truly doubtful at this time, but listen to your wise mother because she knows of what she speaks. Someday, probably not tomorrow, but someday a girl will come into your life that you will think is special, and I am telling you that knowing some dance moves could be very useful in breaking the ice."

Just by the look that Luke was giving his mother you would have sworn that she just told him that all they were having for dinner was brussel sprouts, but the look that his mother gave him in return had just a hint of pleading in it. "I am going to humor you this one time, but we are so not going to make a habit of this."

"Yay!" she exclaimed while clapping her hands together.

'The truth is that I would do pretty much anything if it made Mom smile. I was always a sucker for it. The beauty of it was that it didn't take much to do so. She was always a very warm and tender person that had sparkling eyes and a quick wit. I always thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and she would laugh it off when ever I said it to her.'

Standing since he arrived, Luke takes his coat off and places it on the ground. He then sits on it to give his legs some relief.

His later memories of his mom are not as pleasant. 'I don't really remember when Mom actually got sick, but I do remember the day things seem to change in the house. She no longer had any energy, and her eyes lost that glow. Times where we would usually cuddle on the couch became her lying on the couch with me and sometimes Liz sitting on the floor next to her. It is a hard to think back to that time because I never felt like that was my mother anymore. I remember that one day I even said that to her.' This thought makes him grimace. 'I think I would have caused her less pain if I had slapped her in the face. Being so young I didn't understand the magnitude of her illness.' The guilt from that memory still eats away at him today, and the only visible sign of these thoughts is the sudden clenching of his jaw.

To work out the muscles in his jaw, Luke decides to speak. "Dad, I never told you that I overheard you and Mom arguing one night. I didn't really understand it at the time, but you were fighting about me. Mom wanted to tell me about her illness, but you were against it. I can still hear her saying, 'he needs to know!' In the end you won out. You claimed that I was too young. I think that your unwillingness to believe that anything was going to happen to her flawed your logic. In the end she was gone, and I was left not truly understanding why. There were times I could tell by the look on your face that you wished that you had prepared me, but then that would have meant that you had prepared yourself. The irony is that after all the hospitals beds, the caskets and the grown men crying I had no choice but to grow up after all."

'Dad and I were never really that close when I was small. He was the bread-winner in a family that was trying to keep a business afloat. The hardware store took up a great deal of his time, and his family had to deal with this. I am not saying that he neglected us. He was at every one of my baseball games. Mom was the one who when you least expect it would turn into the tickle monster, and also was the only one whose kisses held the healing power needed when we have fallen off our trikes. He did love us and we had no doubt in that, but it wasn't something that he really ever said.'

'The sad truth is that Dad and I actually got closer really only after Mom died. It seemed that we were both trying to fill the void that she left.'

'The store was a place where I could go and hide from everything. Things needed to be done. Shelves needed to be stocked, customers needed to served and Dad needed someone to make sure he remembered to eat. The Danes men were so much alike that we both easily fell into our silent worlds. The fog that Dad was in was hard to penetrate. A few times I had tried to talk to him about my feelings for mom, and for the guilt over not truly realizing magnitude of her illness.' He would just say "You were just a kid. That is the way you are expected to act. She never doubted for one moment that you loved her, and the last thing she ever wanted to do was leave you and Liz. You were her life." 'I had heard the words, but it did little to relieve my guilt.'

While sitting, Luke is pulling tufts of grass out of the ground. He isn't doing it for any reason except to keep his hands busy.

'Thank God for Maisy and Mia,' he thought. 'They were both great help in those few years after Mom died. They could never replace Mom, though; she had energy beyond compare. I don't think I have ever met anyone quite like her. They basically kept the house running, and making sure Liz wasn't forgotten in this house of men. Dad wasn't a bad guy, he just tended to get lost in himself. Mom had really been the only one that had been able to get him out of his shell. She was like the light and we were in the dark for a very long time without her.'

"I have so many memories of you, Mom. But unfortunately I don't have many other things to remember you by. Dad thought it was best to get rid or give away many of your possessions. That's one of the downfalls of being a kid, you often lack the right to having a say in such matters. From boxes that were at the house I have managed to unearth a few things, and I have hidden them away from prying eyes. A copy of Nancy Drew's Secret of the Old Clock and a small velvet case that houses your engagement ring are two of those things. I am not sure what I am going to do with them, but I am sure that someday I will."

"I know that everyone thinks that I am a nutcase for keeping all of Dad's stuff at the store the same, and I have no doubt that Dad would agree with them. I already lost most of everything that reminds me of Mom. I don't want to ever regret losing anything that was a part of Dad."

After replaying a few of the things he has said and thought today back in his head, Luke feels that there is one thing that he needs to make clear to his father. Even though he knows that he doesn't really have to say out loud it makes him feel better to do so.

"Dad, don't think that I didn't enjoy all those years at the store with you. It was the opposite. We had some spectacular times together. Times that I wouldn't give up for the world. I am just saying that without Mom there was always an underlying feeling of sadness. I think that I really needed this today. I think that I needed this time to face the past and all the demons that live there." He pauses and takes this opportunity to stand up and give his back a stretch. Luke is so deep in thought that he doesn't hear someone coming up from behind. His first indicator is when a hand slips into his. He acknowledges the contact by giving the hand a little squeeze. He looks up into the sky and can tell by where the sun is that it's now past noon.

"I thought that I would find you here."

"Really?"

"Well, it was a year ago."

Luke answers by just looking down at his feet and nodding his head. 'Yes it was a year ago.' When he lifts his head he turns to look at the woman standing beside him. 'This woman who has been a great support system for me. She has this great ability to know what needs to be done, and is more than willing to help out. She doesn't push to make me talk or really put any pressure on me. I am so lucky to have her in my corner during this upside-down time in my life. She is the shining star in my sad existence.'

"Have you been here all day?"

"Pretty much."

"Are you okay? You look like you slept in those clothes."

"Hey, this look is in now," he says with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood.

"Oh yeah, you are so Kurt Cobain."

"I had the look first," he counters.

"I wouldn't brag," she says dryly.

They stand in silence for a few moments.

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No, that's okay, Rachel. I think that I need this time alone with my thoughts."

"Okay." She gives his hand a final squeeze before releasing it. "I'll see you later," she says very pointedly. "This running off by yourself without telling anyone? I hope you don't start making a habit of it."

As she turns to leave, he thinks to himself, 'Don't count on it.'

TBC


	2. The Goodbye Girl

**Resilience**

**Disclaimer: **The names, situations, and people affiliated with Gilmore Girls belong to Amy Sherman Palladino. I only wish that I could take created for Luke Danes.

**Summary: **Each chapter deals with a different time in Luke's life. It is a chance to find out his thoughts about the many women that have influenced him.

**A/N: **Thanks to cmbarrytx, catterwall and Anne's cat Jimmy for all their help.

**Chapter 2: The Goodbye Girl**

Its early morning at Luke's Diner and Luke is very busy rushing around taking orders and filling up coffee cups. He looks like a man on a mission getting the work done, but his face betrays the fact that he isn't in a very good mood and that he would rather be alone right now.

'Rachel is really gone this time,' his thoughts begin. 'Not only did she kiss me goodbye, but she actually took her stuff with her. I was so happy when she came back to me, but now she says it was a mistake. She says that she needs "more". What the hell does that mean? How can she say that we have grown apart when nothing has changed my feelings for her?'

"Caesar, I need another order of pancakes, and can you try not to burn them this time?" Luke picks up the two plates that are waiting under the heat lamp, and takes them to the table to the right of the front door.

Luke continues his internal conversation while changing the coffee filter and starting a new pot of decaf. 'I understand that she wants to travel, and I never had a problem with her having a career. I just always thought that she would make Stars Hollow her home base. What was all that crap about leaving here would do me a world of good? She actually said that I need to branch out, and try to have some more fun while I am still young. That she thinks that my life is too structured, and is really lacking any excitement. That concept has really been great for Liz. She moved to New York because she thought Stars Hollow was too small, and she needed to find the real Liz. Now she has a first husband that is AWOL, a boyfriend that is an abuser, and Jess to take care of on top of all of that. Yeah finding herself was a stellar idea. More like she finds herself calling me to bail her out on a regular is more like it.'

Suddenly, he sees something out of the corner of his eye near the front window. "What are you doing Taylor?"

"We are having a Pet Wash."

"A Pet Wash? Okay you have lost me so far."

"We know how much the people of Stars Hollow love their pets, and it was decided at the last town meeting, that you missed, that such an event could be very successful. The vet is even giving out discount coupons for 10 off spaying or neutering for any cats or dogs that come for a washing. Plus clean pets reflect nicely on the town."

"I'm in charge of the cat vacuum," Kirk says very proudly, sitting at the counter.

"That statement in itself screams out "Danger Will Robinson." What is possessing you hold such an event, and how does it have anything to do with me?"

We are having it to help raise money to help restore the bridge. That bridge is very important to the town, and I know you will want to do everything you can to help the town." Taylor says snidely.

"Every event in the last two years has been to help rebuild the bridge so that guilt trip is getting old, and have you just met me? When have I ever helped in one of these events?"

"I thought if I got you at a "weak moment" you might give in this one time."

Understanding his meaning in saying "weak moment" made Luke even angrier. "Taylor, you better not be planning on putting up that flyer if you really value your sorry ass life. You son of a b…"

"Luke, you really shouldn't talk that way. There are children present."

"I wouldn't have to talk that way if I could get you to stop trying to put pieces of paper in my damn window."

Taylor leaves with a disgruntled look on his face. Luke goes back to taking plates to the different customers in the diner.

'Thank God, I never ended up leaving with her like she asked the first time she went on an assignment. Nothing suits me more than spending the day holding her camera bag. No, whatever she thinks is wrong with our relationship has nothing to do with this place so the problem would have just followed us. At least staying here she is gone, but I still have my life.'

"Luke can I have a glass of water?"

Luke looks up and already dreads doing so. People like small towns because there is a feeling of community, quaint events take place all the time, and they lack the urban hustle and bustle of the big city. What Luke hates about living in a small town is that he is constantly being asked to help out in the community, there always seems to be another festival popping up every five minutes, and finally he hates that the town is so dull that the only activity, other than the stupid festivals, is that the populations need to stick their collective noses into every ones business. Luke has already dealt with the first two, and he was just beckoned by number three. "My wonderful life." He says dripping with sarcasm.

"Sure Patty, I'll be right there." He picks up the pitcher, and walks over to the table in the back corner where Patty is sitting.

"So how are you doing?" she says softly with a hint of knowing.

"I'm fine," he says quickly. "So, do you want to order?"

"No, I just came over to take a break before my step class starts." Letting him know her being here was really only to maintain her position as Hedda Hopper of Stars Hollow.

"Okay! Well have a nice day," he responds, getting away from her as fast as he can. "I swear to God if another one of these inmates give me the sad eye/head tilt, I am going to go medieval on their asses," he mumbles to himself.

Once back at the counter he starts going through the stack of receipts that piled near the cash register. This act has a calming effect and allows him to get back to his thoughts. 'She said she did, but she never really understood how important the diner has become to me. I have never had control over anything in my life, and now I have my own business. Finally I am master of my own life. Why would I leave now that I have it? If she truly understood me she would never ask this of me.'

Luke turns to get another order from the pick up window when he catches sight of the mounted fish that is hung on the wall above the cup shelves. He stops to stare at it, and he thinks of the other reason he can't leave. 'Rachel always has the comfort of knowing that if she wants to come home her family and her history will be there waiting for her. I don't have that luxury. If I leave my family's history and everything that was them would be gone.' Luke drops his head and closes his eyes for a moment.

"Luke, I need to pay my bill."

"Sorry!" Luke takes her money and opens the cash register.

"Have a nice day," she says with a wink while sliding a piece of paper towards him on the counter.

Luke picks it up after she has exited the diner. 'Oh now I know I am in hell. Carrie, that crazy friend of my sister, just left me her number.' He quickly throws the paper in the garbage. He then goes out into the kitchen to the sink because he now has the uncontrollable need to wash his hands.

Walking back to the counter Luke is still mulling over his unhappy thoughts. 'I thought we would get married. She said that she loved me, that is what people do when they love each other. They get married. My parents loved each other and they got married. That is the way it is done. Everything that she claimed that she admired about me when we first started dating, she threw back in my face now. Why is my lack of need for taking risks more important then my loving her? My love wasn't enough for her. I wasn't enough for her. It seems that I am destined to have everyone that I love leave me. I am meant to be alone. Big deal, I am alone. I am a desperado. I was fine alone before she came into my life, and I will be fine now that she is gone. I will survive. It's not like this is the worse thing that has ever happened to me.' He manages to go through most of the stages of grief in a matter of a few seconds, but ends in a defeated pause. "It just feels like it is."

"What did you say Luke?"

"I wasn't talking to you Kirk."

"Oh, I thought you had to be considering I am the only one around." He starts moving around on the stool to show that the rest of the counter was empty.

"Well you got me there," he sighs, trying to change the subject. "Do you need something?"

"I need sweetener."

"I'm out."

"Are you joking?"

"Look at my face. Do I look like Jack Nicholson?"

"Yes, but more in a 'Here's Johnny' sort of way."

"Whatever gets my meaning across." Luke then goes to make the rounds with the coffee pot.

Just then the bell over the door rings, and a young woman comes flying in.

"I need coffee." She stands in front of Luke blocking his path.

"Sit down and I will get to you." Luke says to this new patron. 'Great, another member of the cast of Snake Pit has entered the building.'

"But I need coffee now. I overslept this morning because the alarm clock was set for pm and not am and didn't get a chance to have a cup. I have to get back to the Inn because the McCoy family is coming in at 1:00 to make final plans for the wedding on Saturday, and the Hatfields are showing up 2:00 to discuss the reunion. Everyone knows that it would be a bad scene if they are together in the same building for any time." All she gets for her effort is a blank stare. "The bottom line is that I need coffee." This all said at a speed only dog can hear, while she is following him around the diner.

"Sit down and shut up. I will get to you when I have finished with all these other lovely and less annoying people. People, I might add, that know how to work an alarm clock, and got here early."

She walks over to the counter and sits down.

"Do you have a newspaper? "

Luke walks over to one of the empty table and picks up a paper. He then brings it over to her at the counter.

"Here, now quit bugging me." Luke then walks away. Not knowing or caring if she hears him, he adds, "As though I need a lunatic like that in my life right now."


	3. Do The Right Thing

**Resilience**

**Disclaimer: **The names, situations, and people affiliated with Gilmore Girls belong to Amy Sherman Palladino. I only wish that I could take created for Luke Danes.

**Summary: **Each chapter deals with a different time in Luke's life. It is a chance to find out his thoughts about the many women that have influenced him.

**A/N: **Thanks to cmbarrytx, and catterwall for all their help.

**Chapter 3: Do The Right Thing**

The summer is over. This is evident in the nights getting colder, and also in the dwindling tourist population. People will not be going through the town again until the trees start being full of orange and red leaves. Luke looks at his empty diner and decides it is a good evening to close early. The kitchen had been pretty much ready to be shut down for the last hour. The only things to do in the main area are to put the chairs up on the tables and turn off the lights.

Most nights, Luke would then head up to his apartment treat himself to a nice cold beer and see if there was a game on the TV, but tonight he grabs a magazine from under the counter, and walks out into the night air instead. He has a project that he needs to get finished, and it isn't going to get done by avoiding it.

Main Street is fairly quiet with only a few people strolling around. Luke is about to pass Doose's Market but pauses when the door suddenly opens. Dean appears in front of him with his apron in his left hand. The two men look at each other both not sure how to break the awkward silence they seemed to have fallen into. Dean is about to walk on taking Luke's stony stare as an indication that they are still on the outs when Luke stops him by putting his hand lightly on his chest.

"Look I want to apologize for…." He struggles for the words, "putting you in a half-nelson that day outside the diner."

"It's in the past. You were watching out for Rory."

"Yes I was, but I didn't have all the facts. If I knew the whole story I wouldn't have acted so …. Barbaric."

"So you have all the facts now?" Dean knows that Lorelai and Luke are close, but would she actually tell him something so private?

"Yes," his eyes saying more than his words.

"Oh, I see," Dean says, thinking to himself, 'I guess they are that close.'

"So you seem to be out on your own tonight. Everything is okay with you and Rory?"Luke says, narrowing his eyes, and giving a look that indicates that even though he just apologized for wrestling with him that time that he would do it again in a second if he ever hurt Rory again.

"Oh no everything is fine. She is out with her Mom tonight…" He suddenly realizes that this is an awkward subject to be discussing with Luke after hearing all the gossip around town about him having a thing for Lorelai.

Luke looks a little confused because he notices that Dean sounds uncomfortable with the conversation, and then he remembers what Sookie and Lorelai were talking about earlier today. Then he understands Dean's look. "Oh yes, the Bachelorette Party."

"They aren't doing anything big. I got a message from Rory earlier telling me that she managed to get into a club because she is a German supermodel, and Michel has been dancing the whole night with Janet Jackson."

"Okay." Luke wasn't really sure if his last statement was some kind of code that only the CIA would understand, but he didn't care enough to press him on it. Since they are having this chatty moment Luke decides to tap the boy for some information. "What do you think of Max?"

"Seems nice, but I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"They don't seem to know each other very well."

"What gave you that impression?"

"Well Rory and I had dinner with them the other night, and he just didn't seem to know the basics in Gilmore 101."

"Oh I see." Luke finds this very interesting.

Dean realizes that maybe he said too much and tries to backtrack. "Maybe I'm reading too much into it…… He is a nice guy."

"You already said that," Luke says, giving him a pat on the shoulder to let him know that he'll stop the inquisition. "Have a good evening Dean.'

"You too, Luke."

Luke continues down the street, mulling over the little tidbit that Dean let slip. 'It just goes to show that I am not wrong. That guy is all wrong for her. I should have taken that guy out when I had the chance. Who am I kidding? Max would be history, but then someone else probably even better would come along. Someone who still isn't me.'

Luke arrives at Tom's construction yard. Tom is standing in the doorway to the garage, and is looking over a work order. He looks up to see Luke walking towards him.

"Luke, you're early. I wasn't expecting you for another hour."

"I closed up early. I hope that it isn't a problem?"

Tom shakes his head. "No worries. The only contract we have right now is onsite so you will have the place to yourself."

Luke starts to walk into the garage but turns towards Tom. "Thanks again for letting me work on it here. I just didn't have the space in my work room for something so big."

"Not a big deal, just don't go around telling people that I let you work on your own carpentry projects here. I am trying to maintain a business. The last thing I need is to have every Bob Vila wannabe coming to me wanting to use my space and my tools so that they can build a bird house. I am not operating one of those pottery places where you go and paint flowers on a bowl, and then consider yourself an artist. Clay is messy stuff to work with, and I refuse to buy a kiln."

Luke is stunned for a momentand tries to figure how the conversation shifted in such a strange direction. "I will make a note of that," he says slowly, in hopes of keeping Tom calm and happy.

"Well good. When you are done just turn off the lights and lock the door. I am off for the rest of the evening." Tom leaves the yard.

Luke goes over to his usual work bench and opens up the magazine. The page that it opens to is bookmarked by a picture. He picks up the picture, and looks at it very intently. It is the picture Rachel took of him and Lorelai at the Firelight Festival. On the back he reads the message "Just go for it" that Rachel has scribbled. He laughs at the thought of Rachel being his relationship advisor.

'My life is such a joke. Lorelai was giving me advice about Rachel, and now Rachel is giving me advice about Lorelai. At the end of the day I am still alone.'

'One good thing that came out of Rachel coming back this last time is that we both finally agree that it's over between us. It was great when we were young, but we're no longer those people. When she was here we were comfortable with each other, and it could have been so easy just to fall back into being us because it was familiar and safe. The passion was gone, and it was better for us to end it while we still could be friends.'

Luke turns the picture back over and looks at the beautiful face that is lying in his hand. Rachel was my past, and it's sad to say, but some part of me always thought that Lorelai was going to be my future. I don't think I ever really even let myself form it into a full thought until Rachel had lit the fire under me. It isn't that I never thought of her that way before because that's so not the case.' Luke blushes in spite of himself, remembering some of the fantasies and dreams he has had in the past starring Lorelai Gilmore. 'I am such an idiot. I have never told her how important she is to me. I just never allow myself to think that I actually had a chance with her. I will never know now because I never got past my fear of losing her friendship to ever make that leap to find out.'

'This incredible woman has done an extraordinary job building a life for her and Rory. She hasn't just survived all the obstacles that have come her way, but has risen above them. She has never been afraid of working hard, and she came out of it with a great career and an amazing daughter. She has the strength of a lioness when it comes to protecting her child and still manages to maintain a bit of Peter Pan to show that in some ways she is still a child herself. She deserves to be happy, and as her friend I should not try and get in the way of that. No matter my personal feelings and desires; she is still my best friend, and I should be happy for her. I wish I were, but the best that I can do right now is give the appearance of being pleased for her. Looking at the object in front of him, 'That is why I am here isn't it?'

'I just want her to have all the fortunes that she deserves. She requires someone in her life that understands her and will allow her to be herself. Maybe he is the right man for her. I wish I knew for sure. If I thought that I had a chance I would fight him for her, but she has given me nothing but mixed signals when it comes to her feelings for me. Max is an educated and respected teacher, and I am only the guy that serves her coffee.'

'She has talked so much about wanting to be in love. I hope that she isn't forcing something that isn't really there. That she isn't more in love with the idea rather than the man. I guess in the end I have to have faith in Lorelai to do the right thing for herself. She has always managed to do so in the past. I will just have to live with her decision even if it means living without her.'

He speaks aloud in the empty workshop, "this is what I get for having her in my life. I sound like a damn Sting song."

Luke touches the wood of his handiwork, and thinks about how he expects it to be utilized. "I bet she will look breathtaking on her wedding day," Luke says, knowing he will not see her that day. He would move heaven and earth for Lorelai, but he truly doesn't think his heart can take watching her become someone else's wife.

Luke stands still,staring out in space. The face he sees before him appears with such clarity that he would have sworn she was standing right in front of him. For some reason, Luke is reminded of the first time he saw her. 'The way the light hit her just so that I remember thinking that Lorelai looked a little like Mary Richards. Mary never had her striking blue eyes, or her caffeine habit for that matter, but it was my first memory of her.' Luke laughs at himself for having such a strange thought at this moment, and then he smiles to himself knowing in his heart that his mother would have loved Lorelai.

Luke realizes that this type of thinking isn't helping. He shakes his head and looks back at the piece of wood that still needs to be glued onto his creation. "I can't believe I actually carved a goat," he pauses. "I bet she names the damned thing."

TBC


	4. Ship of Fools

**Resilience**

**Disclaimer: **The names, situations, and people affiliated with Gilmore Girls belong to Amy Sherman Palladino. I only wish that I could take created for Luke Danes.

**Summary: **Each chapter deals with a different time in Luke's life. It is a chance to find out his thoughts about the many women that have influenced him.

**A/N: **Thanks to cmbarrytx, for all her help.

I added a little something, something to this chapter to help ease the pain of the subject matter.

**Chapter 3: Ship of Fools**

Ayoung man in his early twenties carrying and pulling several suitcasesto the cabinopens the door.

"So here is your cabin,"the young man says. Behind him Nicole and Luke enter the room. "Over here is the bathroom and I will just put your bags over here by the bed. As you can see, there is a safe for your valuables. If you have anything that is too big or that you feel needs more security, please let me know. I would be more than happy to make arrangements to put it in the ship's safe." The young man then pauses giving the impression that his job is done. Nicole is busy reading the pamphlet she has in her hand, and doesn't look up. Luke stares at him, confused at hisunwillingness to leave, but then he realizes the reason for the steward's delay.

"Here you go," Luke mumbles, passing him a ten dollar bill.

"Thank you, sir. I hope you both have a great trip." He leaves, clicking the door shut behind him.

"I can't believe I just paid someone to carry my luggage."

"It is called tipping, and you have tipped before."

"Not for something I was able to do myself. This is the first time we have gone away that there were so many bags that I couldn't handle them myself."

"I am sorry that I couldn't fit everything I need for the next eight days in an overnight bag."

"I don't mean just you. I had to buy luggage for this trip since all I really had was an overnight bag."

A silence settles between them while Luke starts to unpack, and Nicole continues to read her brochure.

"According to the schedule on the third day of our trip we will be hitting a port called Ketchikan which appears to have the largest collection of totem poles in the world. Doesn't that sound interesting, Luke?"

"Huh, what did you say?"

"Totem poles."

"Oh great, that's exactly what I need on my vacation -- a bunch of scary carved out faces to remind me of Miss Patty."

Luke's stattement clearly stings Nicole, because it is one of many unenthusiastic comments he has made in the last couple of days in reference to the trip. Nicole is not ready to give up the fight and continues. "Oh at Skagway we can check out some Gold Rush memorabilia. It would be fun to see all the different tools they used back then."

"Once you've seen one pick ax,you've seen them all,"Luke shrugs.

Nicole senses Luke needs sometime to himself and decides it is time to give it to him. "Well, you continue unpacking, I am going to go take a little walk around, look into getting us some more towels and maybe go set up an appointment at the spa for tomorrow."

Luke is grateful for the space and gives her a small smile. "Have fun," he says. Nicole returns the smile before she makes her exit.

It becomes clear that Luke needed this time alone, because once the doors click shut, he is in total rant mode.

"What the hell am I doing here? I bought luggage to go see totem poles. I closed the diner for two weeks. What the hell possessed me to do that?" His mind is racing, and one thought hits him at that moment. "This is all Jess' fault. He was the one that started this whole thing in motion. Him and his lap dog comments. Telling me that I looked like an idiot waiting for someone who probably would never really see me.

"We are just dating. It is all casual, no one is talking marriage. Lorelai does this casual dating thing all the time." 'She does it to much if you ask me.' "Nicole is a lawyer for God sakes. I don't fully understand why she ever wanted to date me in the first place, and the last thing she wants is to get engaged to me."

Luke starts walking around the cabin, not really looking at anything, but just trying to make sense of everything that is going through his mind " I have been serious my whole damn life. It is about time that I finally have some fun. That's the reason for this trip-- to have fun. No one wants to get engaged. Nicole has done nothing that I have noticed that would indicate that she wants a real commitment."

'We have only been dating for a few months. For pete sake Rachel and I dated for years, and we were never engaged.'

"Okay Danes, calm down. You are truly freaking yourself out over nothing. Engagement doesn't mean immediate marriage, right? It is not like you can actually get married on a Cruise ship anyways. Maybe they have ceremonies, but it can't be legal, can it?

He stops pacing for a moment to look in his suitcase on the bed. Luke reaches into one of the pockets, and pulls out an envelope. Inside there is a picture. It is a picture that Rory gave him before they both left for their respective trips. It is of Lorelai, Rory and himself at Rory's graduation. He has a proud expression on his face remembering that day, and then he zeros in on the image of Lorelai.

"What the hell was that stupid dream all about? She doesn't think that she messes with my mind enough during the day. She now has to enter my dreams." 'Well it wasn't the first time she was in one of my dreams, but it was the first time…' his thoughts trail off as they are interrupted by a knock on the door.

Luke goes over to the door and opens it to find a steward standing on the other side holding a load of towels.

"Here are the extra towels that were requested."

"Oh, Thank You. Could I ask you a question?"

"Most certainly, Sir."

"Can you actually get married on a ship?"

"What?"

"Never mind. Forget I even asked you. Thanks again for the towels." Luke closes the door. 'You are so losing it.' He thinks to himself as he walks to the bathroom to get rid of the towels. While in there he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He drops the towels on the counter, and just stands there with his elbows on the counter with his hands in his hair just staring at his reflection. "I don't even look like me. I have no hair. The 'Caesar' cut my ass. I don't care that Babitt thinks that I look like George Clooney. When I have my cap on I look more like Charlie Brown."

Then he looks down at his clothes. There is no question that the man in the mirror is not the usual Luke Danes of Stars Hollow. No flannel made it on the ship, and his favorite ball cap was hanging off the bedpost back in his apartment. This person was dressed in tan pants and a white button down shirt. Not full blown GQ, but was miles away from his comfort clothes. 'These are all things that Nicole has bought for me. I am having trouble thinking of anything that I have in my suitcase that she didn't have a hand in the purchasing.' "I am even wearing sandals. What the hell has happened to me?"

"I need to do something. If I was home I would clean the counters or throw Taylor out of the diner. This room is so damn clean there isn't even a bed for me to make. I could mess it up and then remake it." He almost starts towards the bed, and then stops. 'Oh my god I am so pathetic.' As he rubs his aching neck, he decides "I am going to go have a shower."

The tension that started in his shoulders is now causing his neck to ache, and is beginning to do a number on the back of his head. Trying to figure out how to work the foreign shower wasn't helping his mood or the pain. "The stupid knob says to turn it this way, but no where is it written how to stop the water from going out the faucet, and redirect it to the shower head." After Luke pulls a metal rod the shower suddenly springs to life. "I was beginning to think that it was going to take the whole damn trip to figure out how to work that thing." He checks to make sure the temperature is to his liking, and then walks out to the main room to retrieve his satchel that contains all his bathroom supplies. Placing the bag on the edge of the tub, Luke starts to undress. He places his clothes in a folded pile on the back of the toilet, and then steps into the shower. Luke faces the spraying water with closed eyes allowing it to run down his nose, and soak the hair on his chest. He whips the liquid away from his lids, and turns around to allow the water to run down his back. He bends slightly to allow each section of his vertebrae a chance to get full attention from the massage setting. He slowly stands up until the water is flowing down his head like a waterfall over his whole body.

Luke moves to side to get his shampoo. Well, the shampoo that he brought would be a better way to put it. Luke always liked simple things-- there was no need for expensive name brands that smelled like a fruit, or that contained ingredients that came from one of Cousteau's excursion. Some soap, water and a two-in-one shampoo is all he ever felt the need for, but Nicole bought him some things because "you really need to take care of yourself better," she explained. So Luke is now using his long fingers to rub in this concoction that is said to help moisturize your scalp, and smells like a kiwi.

Luke leans back under the water to rinse the shampoo, and this action, plus the minuscule size of the tub, causes him to overturn all his supplies onto the floor. Oncehe has finished,Luke turns the water off, pulls the curtain back, and grabs a towel to dry himself. He then wraps it around his middle before stepping onto the bath mat. He gives a big sigh when he looks at the great mess he has made, and kneels down to start putting everything back in the bag. When he picks up the shampoo he glances at the label, and notices that it says that it is biodegradable, that the packaging is recyclable, and that no animals were used in testing this product. Suddenly, he realizes that there really nothing wrong with having this stuff-- it isn't like it goes against anything I believe in. "Nicole doesn't have some hidden motive to try to control me, all she is trying to do is show me some new choices."

Luke stands, once again, in front of the mirror. This time he is a little calmer while he dries himself off and combs his hair. 'What is really wrong with some change in my life? I have spent so long not taking chances, and what the hell has that done for me? Jess was right about one thing, I do need to live my life, and stop waiting around for something that isn't going to happen. I wonder how the little jerk is doing. I never thought I would miss that sad excuse for music that he was always playing. The apartment seems so big and quiet without him.'

Just then the door to the cabin opens up and Luke turns to see Nicole entering with a look of uncertainty etched into her face. She scans the main room, and then turns her head to finally lock eyes with Luke. She smiles, and look of relief is apparent when Luke returns the smile.

"You were gone a long time."

"Well I made an appointment at the spa, and on the way back I decided to go to the dining room. I wanted to make sure they had your favorite beer available for when we have dinner."

"Thanks!" The smile that Luke gives her shows how much he appreciates such a thoughtful gesture.

While I was out I heard some people raving about one of the shows that are on tonight. Something about a guy playing musical drinking glasses. Sound a little different, but I am game if you are.

"Sure, sounds like fun." Luke doesn't know what the hell he is saying, but he feels it is about time he starts acting a little more positive about this trip. "Let me just finish getting cleaned up and we both can go for a little walk around."

Luke goes back to looking at himself in the mirror while he puts on some cologne. 'We have gone on trip together before. Why should this one be any different? Nicole is a great lady, and I am not going to ruin things with her over some stupid pipe dream. Nicole is right, what I need is a drink and a chance to start enjoying this cruise. No harm in relaxing for once in my life. Luke looks down at the shampoo bottle, and smiles. 'My hair does feel better; I guess some change is good.'

"Nicole, could you pass me a pair of my socks? I have changed my mind I am going to wear my shoe tonight. I think it is too cold for sandals."

TBC


	5. You Can't Take It With You

**Resilience**

**Disclaimer: **The names, situations, and people affiliated with Gilmore Girls belong to Amy Sherman Palladino. I only wish that I could take created for Luke Danes.

**Summary: **Each chapter deals with a different time in Luke's life. It is a chance to find out his thoughts about the many women that have influenced him.

**A/N: **Thanks to cmbarrytx, for all her help.

Some of the dialogue comes from **Luke Can See Her Face** and **Pulp Friction**.

**Chapter 5: You Can't Take It With You**

It is a timeless conflict the one between man and machine. Although he has been victories during many battles, Luke finally thinks he has lost the war with the toaster. He would usually be unwilling to admit defeat, but it is hard for him to ignore that things are not going in his favor. Meaning that he has put the appliance back together again, and he still hasn't found a home for the spring that he has in his hand. It is the slow period at the diner -- when the lunch crowd is all back at work and the dinner crowd is still hours away from piling in. So Luke's tinkering is more for entertainment rather than any real attempt at bringing the piece of equipment back to life; since he has already faced the fact that "It is dead Jim."

The bell over the diner door dings, and Luke looks up to see Lulu coming in the door.

"Luke, I want to thank you for convincing Kirk to finally move out of his mother's house."

"It isn't a big deal. I really didn't do much."

"It is a big deal. You have no idea how hard it was to deal with that woman. She made me feel very uncomfortable. She kept calling me Irene."

"Why would that make you feel uncomfortable?"

"Irene was her dead sister's name, and it was once rumored that she had a hand in her death. Something about leaving her alone with a big rabid dog."

"How very Stephen King of her."

"Well, they did date at one time."

Luke stares for a second,clearly at a loss for words after the last statement. "Well,anyway, you're welcome."

Lulu still seems to have more to discuss with Luke. "I am sorry about the whole ribbon thing."

"Don't worry about it."

"It wasn't anything personal. I just feel so pretty in pink."

"Far be it for me to come between you and your inner Molly Ringwald." Luke looks at Lulu, feeling that there is more to her visit than she is saying. "Is there something else that you want?"

"Well I hate asking this of you since you have already helped so much, but I was hoping that you could do one more favor, and talk to Kirk. Help him find a place to live."

"Oh, I don't really think it is my place to get involved in such things, Lulu."

"He so looks up to you, and I am hoping that he will follow your lead."

"Follow my lead?"

"Now that you and Lorelai are back together you are no doubt thinking about your future, and building a life together. I want to make sure Kirk follows that same path, and doesn't go out and get some bachelor pad now that he is finally free of his mother. If you could just sit down, and talk to him."

"I am sorry, but I can't sit with him."

"What?"

"Every time I sit down to talk to Kirk, I end up seeing him naked. It might be a fluke, but I really don't want to take any chances. I am seriously considering taking all the chairs out of the diner just to be on the safe side."

"Well, if you could do whatever you can. I would really appreciate it."

"I will see what I can do," Luke says as noncommittally as possible.

Luke watches as Lulu leaves the diner. Her words are still turning around in his head. "Building a life together with Lorelai." It isn't that he hasn't thought about the future, but with their recent problems, he has been concentrating more on their present.

When Luke told Lorelai that he was all in, he meant until death do us part. He remembers the day he first allowed himself to start thinking about their future as he goes back to fiddling with the toaster.

It isn't hard to remember the day, since the whole thing came to him as an epiphany as he desperately tried to figure out his life. He was standing in his apartment cleaning up in the kitchen, and he was listening to that damn self help tape. The voice on the tape was going on about picturing the person that you want to spend your life with, and it was at this time things became clear.

"Do you see her face? Whose face appears to you, my friend? Whose face?" It certainly wasn't the woman that I had married. 'Getting married -- my pathetic attempt to prove that I could live without those blue eyes. The saddest part of this joke is that I brought someone else down with me. Nicole was right when she said that she might have cheated in body, but that my heart had cheated long before. Who am I kidding? My heart was never in the relationship.'

I remember standing there thinking hard at whose face fit all the scenarios that the tape was mentioning and it wasn't hard to picture that beautiful woman. Then a little voice inside me added a situation. 'Who do I want to have my mom's engagement ring? Who do I picture wearing it?' It was then that I truly realized how deep and strong my feelings were for Lorelai. The only thing that I manage to say was "Whoa."

'It wasn't until the click of the tape turning off penetrated my brain that I finally came out of the trance that this realization had caused.' Luke smiles at this memory, and is brought back to the present not by a click, but by the ding of the diner door. The small smile that is playing on his lips soon vanishes when he looks up, and is greeted with the unkind face of Emily Gilmore. By the time Luke fully realizes that she is really in his diner she has already made it to the counter.

"What on earth is wrong with you, besides the obvious lack of fashion

sense?"

"What are you …"

"I told you to get back together with Lorelai! I told you exactly what

to do and exactly what to say. What do you need, a cheat sheet?"

"Emily."

'I was brought up to be respectful. I know I don't always managed to stay true to my upbringing, but you being Lorelai's mother I have been putting more effort into the attempt. Plus I support Lorelai's wish to deal with you herself, and I don't want to interfere, but there are a few things that I would like to say to you.'

'Do you think that you could say or that you have thought of anything that I haven't done so myself about my relationship with Lorelai? You are the embodiment of every piece of self doubt, old demons and negative thoughts that I have had about the two of us. I know that I am a divorced man, that I own a common diner, and that socially I am many rungs beneath your family. I know that we are taking a risk even trying to have a relationship because if unsuccessful we could lose our friendship which is more important to me than anything else in my life.'

'Most of the time when everything was blissful and positive I was able to stay confident about our bond, and keep these thoughts buried. Then you had your vow renewal, and with all your efforts to break us, and bring in all your reinforcements.

It caused it all the uncertainty to come to the surface.'

'All the negativity from that night was too much for me. I needed to step back for a moment to figure out what was best for me in this situation. I have been hurt so many times that when something like this happens a wall just naturally goes up, and I shut down. It is like a defense mechanism to help keep me safe from more pain. During this numb period I tried to tell myself that I could live without Lorelai, and that maybe you were right in thinking that I was all wrong for her. I was looking for guarantees that we would last forever, but in this world there aren't any guarantees. I let my fears of the unknown keep me on the sidelines for 8 years, and I almost let it ruin us. When you came to see me that night I realized that there are things about us that you have no knowledge about and that I had seemed to forget. Lorelai and I see each other as people, status, jobs and address don't hold any significance. There is nothing superficial about our feelings for each other. We have affection, appreciation, and respect for each other. We have always been there for each other during good times and bad. We have been each others sounding boards, and cheering sections. Our connection goes beyond us just being a couple, we are a team. These things are more important then all the reasons why we shouldn't be together .In the end I realized my existence is nothing without her, and that I would be crazy to let this wonderful woman leave my life."

"Just because you run a diner and have mastered the art of the blank

stare does not mean it's going to work with me!"

This statement brings Luke back from his thoughts, and makes him realize that he is in need of reinforcements. He very slowly places his cell phone on the counter, and presses a button. Emily in her blind fury doesn't even seem to notice the action.

The last comment from Emily also reminds Luke of something else that he really wants to get off his chest. 'One thing that is all your own is the belief that Christopher is the one that Lorelai should be with. It is one thing to think that I am unworthy, but to actually think he is goes beyond comprehension. In my books there isn't a more worthless piece of meat out there than your Golden Boy. Leaving Lorelai to raise Rory all by herself while he traipses around trying to find himself .Just thinking about the things she has had to endure at his hands over the years makes my blood boil. Why you would want your daughter that you claim you love to be a Stepford Trophy wife to a guy that has never put anyone else's needs before his own. I will never understand how you can value position, and wealth above happiness to the point of condemning your love ones to a guaranteed life of unhappiness so you can keep your head held high at your snooty high society gathering.'

'I think that the problem is that in your world you have a strange value system where franchising and Diebenkorn are more important than contentment in ones life. I don't really care what you think of me there are two Gilmores whose opinions matter to me, and you are not one of them. The person I do wish your view would change about is Lorelai. Lorelai is an incredible woman who is so easy to love, but has always felt you didn't love her. In term that you will understand she is like a diamond that everyone is dazzled by her brilliance and sparkle, but all you can see are the flaws. The real tragedy in this is you because you are missing out on really knowing this amazing person that is your daughter.'

'I don't think there is anything I could do or say to change your mind about me. Trust that I would love to tell you that you will never have to see, but I love your daughter. I am not going anywhere. Man if it wasn't for her anything would please me more than to tell you to go to …'

The bell over the door dings to announce the beginning of round three, and also the entrance of Luke's tag team partner. It was time to bring in the big guns during this sparing match especially since Luke was attacking with only his thoughts.

"Mom, what are you doing here?"

"I am having what I'm sure will turn out to be yet another fruitless conversation with this man."Emily wonders to herself 'He hasn't said anything. He is just staring. What the hell could he be thinking about?'

TBC


	6. Places In The Heart

**Resilience**

**Disclaimer: **The names, situations, and people affiliated with Gilmore Girls belong to Amy Sherman Palladino. I only wish that I could take created for Luke Danes.

**Summary: **Each chapter deals with a different time in Luke's life. It is a chance to find out his thoughts about the many women that have influenced him.

**A/N: **Thanks to cmbarrytx, for all her help.

**Chapter 6: Places In The Heart**

Luke is in his truck driving on the highway at night. The traffic seems light, which is good, because Luke seems to be distracted with turning knobs inside the cab.

"If I've told her once I've told her twenty times if she is going to be allowed to use my truck she has to learn to keep her hands off the radio. There is no way in hell I left it on a station that would play a song that would tell you to take off all your clothes because it is so hot. I would consider it an accident if she hadn't left the only cd to be Adam Ant. That pirate dressing freak. I have one rule, and she loves messing with it." Luke rants to himself, but the look on his face shows everything but anger. There is a small smile on his face while he shakes his head.

The sound of a cell phone breaks the silence of the moment. Luke considers ignoring it, since it is a driving hazard and everything. A rant he had a while back. He looks down at it, but curiosity gets the better of him, and he picks the vile item up.

"Hello! TJ? How did you get my number?"

"Well now I have a new reason to disown her"

"Sorry, no can do, I have some things I have to take care of"

"None of your damn business!"

Luke briefly closes his eyes in response to the comment made on the other end of the phone. "I'm sorry. Quit pouting. I promise I will help you out later in the week." (Pause) "Liz? Oh why is he getting you involved?"

"I told him that I was sorry."

"Oh trust me; I know that he is sensitive." 'Mental is more like it,' he thinks to himself. "Living with him for several weeks brought me insight into his personality that I don't think I will ever recover from the knowledge. The fact that he has a stalker-like obsession on Haley Mills is something I could have died happilywithout knowing."

"I am not exaggerating. When he asked me if I wanted to watch The Parent Trap, and I made the mistake of asking him which one. He gave me a look that made Travis Bickle seem harmless in comparison. And seeing him crying during Pollyanna was beyond disturbing."

"Yes, I know that in the big picture that these are minor things. Yes, I am glad that you are happy. You know that is all I have ever wanted for you. Tell Mr. Mills that I am sorry, and that I will help him with the fence Thursday afternoon. Good night Sis".

Luke clicks the phone off and then rests both hands back on the steering wheel letting his long fingers curl around it. As he stares out at the highway a realization hits him. 'Boy we Danes sure are late bloomers when it comes to relationships. Neither of us has ever been good at making decisions when it comes to our own happiness. It isn't like we were using the same technique either. Liz has always been the free spirited never maturing teenager looking for love everywhere, and anywhere it was humanly possible to do so. I on the other hand was born an adult taking charge of everything, and as a result was spending more energy trying to avoid any human contact that I was really running the risk of missing any chances of connecting with anyone. I am glad that luck seems to have changed for both of us, and that it happened before we were both sojaded that we lost out. Strange twist of fate where we could manage to live our lives completely differently, but now somehow we are both at the same place in our lives. It is like we have traveled two completely different paths, but in the end the paths have merged.

I guess when you get past his oddities; the thing that makes TJ different from all the other guys is that he loves Liz for herself. He shows a sincere interest in what she likes. For once she can be herself and be loved for it. Maybe all of this is why she is able to come home because she has finally realized that leaving here wasn't the way to find herself. It is amazing how wonderful life is when you have finally found someone that you have a connection with, and that allows you to be yourself. Not only allows, but loves you for it.'

He has been speaking of Liz, but his words are filled with his own personal understanding. "God I am beginning to sound like a Hallmark card. What the hell has happen to me?" The look on his face shows that he already knows the answer to this question without having to say a word.

This last part of the drive Luke has left the highway, and is currently seeking out a particular driveway. It isn't that he doesn't know where he is going, but more feeling of uneasiness about reaching his destination. The larger than life house comes into view, and Luke turns into the driveway. Before he gets out of the truck Luke reaches over to the passenger side, and grabs for a bag that he had brought with him. The trek to the door is uneventful which Luke is grateful for because it would be his good fortune to fall into a rose bush or something and have the whole thing captures by some security camera. 'That so would be my luck.' Just before he knocks on the door Luke takes one very deep breath and says to himself, 'there is no turning back now.'

After he finally does knock the wait for a response seems endless, and he begins to think his trip was all for not when the door swings open.

"Luke?"

'Hi Rory."

"What are you doing here? Is everything alright?" A look of panic spreads across her face. "Is Mom okay?"

"Everything is fine. Your Mom is at the Inn"

While walking back into the pool house to allow Luke entrance another thought hits Rory. "Did she get you to come here to talk to me?"

"No I am here all on my own. She doesn't even know I was coming here. I won't lie to you she did tell me all about your decision to drop out of Yale, and you're lucky that I have calmed down since I was given the news. You are right that your mother isn't happy right now, but we are both are trying to stand back and let you handle this matter." Luke knows that this isn't a time to revive into rant mode, but also doesn't want to miss the opportunity to put his two cents in as well. "You have to understand this isn't easy for Lorelai because all she has ever wanted in this world is for you to have a better life than she had. She feels that her life is filled with so many missed opportunities, and the last thing she wants is for you to follow down that same road."

"So you came all this way to tell me that you are going to stand back?" Rory asks still trying to grasp the situation.

"No, my reason for being here has nothing to with you going or not going to school. I came here because I need to talk to you about another matter completely."

"You are making this all sound all Cloak and Dagger."

"I don't mean to, but I am a little nervous," Luke takes a deep breath. "I plan to ask Lorelai to marry me, but I want to get a blessing from her family first."

"Oh I see, this is a practice run for when you ask Grandpa."

"I have no intention of asking him, or your Grandmother, anything. You are the one that I have come to talk to. Your blessing is the only one that matters. You are very important to me, and your approval is required." Luke pauses for a moment before continuing. "I want to make one thing very clear -- I don't want to try and replace your father. I know that things are strained between Christopher and me, but I don't want you to ever feel like you have to make a choice or anything. I just hope you are able to accept me."

Rory can tell by his eyes that he is dead serious, and his willingness to show his true feelings touches her deeply. "The only thing I want for my mother is for her to be happy, and I know that you are really the only one that can do that. When it comes to Dad, don't worry, the only one that can really come between him and I is Dad himself. Plus to replace him would imply that you aren't already in my heart. Luke you have been like family from as long as I can remember that only difference is that I now have a name that I can call you." She delivers this last line with a devilish twinkle in her eye.

"Dare I ask what name that could be?" he says with his right eyebrow up.

"Pops," she says with big eyes," or maybe Papa Luke, then your name would sound like Papa Smurf."

"I would like you to smurf up about the name." With this playful banter the tension that Luke was feeling on the drive here is completely lifted. "Keep this up and I will change my mind about giving you this." He holds up the bag that he brought with him.

"What is it?"

"A gift"

"Why are you giving me a gift?"

"Well I had two reasons for coming here tonight. One was to get your blessing. If that went well which it seemed to, I was going to give you this as a way to welcome you to my family."

"You don't have to give me anything."

"I was just talking to some of the members of my family. Trust me that bribery is necessary." He passes the wrapped package to her, and watching while she opens it.

"It is a record album." Turning it over to see the front cover. "Dusty Springfield?" Rory appears puzzled as to the meaning of this gift.

"This record belonged to my mother. I wanted to give you something that had a family connection plus I know that you love music so it practical and has sentimental value too."

"Oh Luke it is a perfect gift. Thank You." It came out sounding more like thank yo since the last word was muffled by her face being lost in his flannel due to the rather powerful hug that she was giving him. When they release, something occurs to Rory. "You are acting very confident that she is going to say yes."

"Well considering that she has already asked me to marry her, I feel that I have an ace up my sleeve."

"She did what?" Rory is beyond shocked by this news.

"It is just like her to try and steal my thunder."

"What did you say to her?"

"I told her that there was nothing that I wanted more than to marry her, but that I felt that there were things that we needed to take care of first. In so many ways we are in sync which made me forget to check to make sure that we were in step on other things. I found out that while I was out planning things like we had already set the date, she has been taking care of her life as though she was still a single entity. So we have agreed that we both want the same thing, but that we need to step back and work on our communication skills. My being here is one of the first steps in my improving my ability to communicate because I realized that I never spoke to you about my intentions."

Rory is trying her best not to smirk at Luke using the word intentions. "Sounds like you have a great deal of work ahead of you."

"Don't I know it; but I have never run away from a little hard work, and what I get in the end makes it all worth while." He gives Rory a quick wink and shows a look of great happiness on his face. With this pause in the conversation Luke thinks of how much he adores this young lady. 'I can only hope that my children are even half as great as this woman in front of me. My children! Cart before the horse Danes. Cart before the horse. I really have a lot of work ahead of me.'

TBC


	7. Life Is Beautiful

**Resilience**

**Disclaimer: **The names, situations, and people affiliated with Gilmore Girls belong to Amy Sherman Palladino. I only wish that I could take created for Luke Danes.

**Summary: **Each chapter deals with a different time in Luke's life. It is a chance to find out his thoughts about the many women that have influenced him.

**A/N: **To those people that took the time to review, I would like to thank you. All of your kind words made posting new chapters worthwhile.

To cmbarrytx, I can't thank you enough. I know that without your help (especially with my apparent fear of commas), and without your great ability to boost my confidence that I wouldn't have posted past the first chapter. I hope that you know that I was giving you a hug every time I received another email from you (even when you would forget to send the attachment), and when you would tell other people about the story. You made this all fun again.

**Chapter 7: Life is Beautiful**

It is a warm fall day, and the scene that is taking place is a strange one to witness. Babette is passing blown up balloons to Luke who is standing on a ladder. He is attaching them to the side of the already overly decorated porch. Once the final balloon is secure, Luke steps down, and with a pleased smile on his face, examines the job.

"Well the house looks like it might float away, but I think we're done decorating. I never realized how much work went into one of these dealings. I thought you just send out invitations; people come watch us make fools of ourselves. We have some food maybe some music, and then open some gifts. Then everyone goes home. I didn't think that the event called for streamers and crape paper, but the powers that be say otherwise."

"You've done a great job, Luke." Babette says in a very comforting tone. "I got to tell you, I have lived next door here for many years, through the good times, and the bad. I have never been so glad to be able to witness the activities of the house so much as I have now that you two are together. I guess what I 'm saying is that it was a wonderful day when you finally moved in here."

"Because Lorelai is now happy and no longer alone?" He states.

"Ya, sure that too." Babette responds while giving his flannel-less arms a longing glance.

Luke's eyes widen with understanding. "Well okay, I need to go back in the house. Thank you again Babette for all the help."

"It has been a pleasure. I will see you later Sugar."

Luke walking around the house, and enters by way of the backdoor. He opens the door to the kitchen, and immediately has to move out of the way for a flying spatula.

"I am sorry Luke; I really thought I had a good grip on it this time." Sookie picks up the utensil.

"That's okay Sookie, I know better than to come in while you are preparing things without announcing myself first. Next time I will use a flare gun." Luke glances at the items cooking on the stove, but quickly moves to the other side of the room.

"How is the decorating coming?" Sookie asks while opening the oven to check on some cookies.

"Everything is pretty much ready. I just have to make sure things don't blow away."

"What happens if it rains?"

"Lorelai and I discussed that when we started planning this, and that if necessary we can move things into the house. It might be tight quarters, but now with the renovations done we do have the room."

"You –planning," Sookie says as she starts to giggle.

"Dear God, not you too. Why is everyone making such a big deal about this?"

"It is a big deal Luke. You are growing as a person. You are no longer the town hermit that gets violent when asked to decorate his diner for town events. Yes, I know you have helped out before, but this is the first time that you are actually planning an event. The things that you will do for her… I am just saying that I thought I would never see the day."

"It isn't really a town event," He says as a way to change the subject, since he feels uncomfortable receiving such unnecessary praise.

"Have you seen the guest list? I beg to differ. The only thing missing is it being discussed at a town meeting. Actually I am surprised that Taylor hasn't tried to have a say in the decision making considering he is finally town selectman again."

"I threatened him."

"I guess that is one way to work it," Sookie says with a nod.

"I will leave you to your creating," Luke finishes, walking over to the hall closet, and taking out a bag. He goes into the living room, and sits down on the couch. He starts placing the different items of the bag onto the coffee table. He is still looking at the final item when Lorelai appears descending the staircase.

"I just got off the phone with my mother. She is acting like this is the social event of the season."

"I still can't believe she wanted to come considering she still hasn't really changed her feelings about me. Plus Liz and TJ are going to be here, and I can just see the look on her face when TJ asks her if she wants him to Etch a Sketch her portrait."

"Well, I think that she is glad that she was asked after everything that has happened in the past. She has learned what she loses and misses out on when she doesn't behave herself."

"I guess it is hard to see her having fun at something that isn't going to be written up on the society page."

"Don't worry, I know that she still creeps you out, but Mrs. Danvers does know how to get jiggy with it with the best of them." At this point Lorelai is standing beside the couch, and has a puzzled look on her face. "What are you doing?"

"Just wrapping a gift."

"We have talked about this. I thought you understood that since she still hasn't fully mastered walking that a ball glove was still beyond her at this time."

"It isn't a ball glove. It is a book." He holds the book up as proof, and Lorelai takes it from him to examine it for herself.

"Luke, I am afraid that Nancy Drew is still a little old for her. I don't think that even Rory was up to the task until the age of five, and even then stories with Ned in them weren't her first reading choice. Why not a Sandra Boynton book? She has one now that she just loves. It is about a social outcast Hippo, and there is a line in it that reminds me of a Clash song. So in my view it is a win, win."

"I have it on great authority that one day she will love this book."

"She will but …" Lorelai sees a look on Luke's face that makes her realizes that the best idea is to drop this because he obviously feels very strongly. "Okay"

Luke smiles "Okay," he says in agreement, and he kisses her hand. He holds on to her hand a little longer than necessary just enjoying that he can while watching her ring gleam in the sunlight.

Lorelai smiles back at him, but then turn her head towards the kitchen. "Oh, do I smell cookies?" She says in a childlike voice.

"Don't eat them all, Sookie made them for the party," Luke says in a very stern tone.

"Don't be such an Eeyore."

"Eeyore?" Luke asks with a confused look on his face.

"What do you want from me? My once settler knowledge of pop culture has been reduced to preschool references."

"Go eat your cookies if that will help with the pain of it all."

"It can't hurt."

"Save some for Rory."

"She knows the rules. You snooze, you lose," she gives him a wink before disappearing into the kitchen.

Luke turns back to the book and starts wrapping it. After the paper is taped into place, he then places a handwritten card on the top.

Luke stands up and goes over to a table that is set up in the corner of the room. He is about to place the gift down on the rather large pile when he stops, and looks around the room. He looks at the different things that indicate his addition to this household. The pictures from the Firelight Festival and Rory's graduation that are on the mantle show some to the steps that had to be taken to get to this place. He could fill his head with all the should've, could've, and would've that might have reduced some of the painful memories that plague his past, but the sight of a gold framed photo of a smiling couple under a chuppah makes him know that it was all worth it. His life is so full now that Luke doesn't have time to waste on such negative thoughts. At this moment his attention goes to the sound of a baby crying from upstairs. He looks at the package that has written on the card "From Grandma Danes," and he smiles.

'You have come along way Danes. A long way.' He places the gift on the pile, and runs upstairs. "Daddy is coming sweetheart."

The End!


End file.
